Shaddow's NaNoWriMo: The Prophecy. (engelstalig) (feedback pl0x)

[Shaddow]

The sky was  dark, except for a beacon of light, which originated from a hole in the sky. In  the center of the area stood a girl, not older then seventeen years old. She  wore a white dress and had long, black hair. It was not that what made her  special, though. The thing that made her special, where her eyes. Her eyes  where red, and it seemed like an eternal fire was burning inside of them. She  smiled, and waved. Jake smiled and waved back, wondering if he knew this girl.  Probably not. He did not have a long time to figure it out, as the girl turned  around and walked out of the beacon. Jake decided to follow, and ran into the  light. As soon as he entered the light, the world around him seemed to change.  The darkness past away and now Jake saw he stood in what seemed like some kind  of ruins, surrounded by hills.  At the  horizon, over one of the hills, something was coming closer. It was hard to see  exactly what it was, but from this distance, it seemed like a whole army was  walking this way. The girl walked just in front of him. She stood still for a  while, as if to determine what her next action should be, and glanced at the  sky. The army was over the hill now, and it seemed like it would take only  minutes to arrive. The girl looked over her shoulder, looking for someone. For  a moment, see seemed scared, alone. The army was closer. The girl looked at  Jake, smiled and looked back to the army. She opened her mouth, and screamed.  At first, it seemed like it was scream of rage, or anger. As she screamed  though, it seemed to change. She was not screaming out of fear, or rage, or  anger. It was of pain. She stopped screaming to gather some breathe and screamed  again, louder this time. Jake ran towards her, but as soon as the girl noticed,  she signed him to stop. "Run. Go away', she said, with a soft voice. "I need to  do this on my own. It's the only way." Jake stopped for a while. "Go away!" the  girl repeated, "I can't hold this much longer." Jake nodded, and ran, as fast as  he could, as far as he could. After a while, the screaming stopped. Jake looked  over his shoulder, and saw how the army had surrounded the girl. The girl  seemed to look at him, and smile, for one last time, before a little white orb  seemed to start glowing in her body. The army seemed to hold back for a while,  amazed by the white light. There was not long to admire it though, as the orb  started to glow even brighter, until it suddenly disappeared. For a moment, it  seemed like time stood still. The army did not move any closer, the girl stood  still, seemingly waiting for the right moment, and the orb faded away... The  ground started to shiver. Soldiers clamped against each other to stop themselves  from falling. The ground stopped shivering and the soldiers sighed in relieve. "Whatever  you tried, it did not work." One of the soldiers said triumphant. The girl just  grinned. The soldier came closer and the girl started to glow. Little flames  where beginning to grow on her body, larger and larger, until her whole body  was covered in flames. The soldier seemed to scare for a while, and the grin on  the girls face became larger. The flames started to abrupt, seeming to be  willing to escape – and they did. With a large shockwave, all of the soldiers  where thrown backwards, and flames started to erupt from the girl's body, bursting  in every direction and setting fire to everything they touched...

When Jake  woke up, he knew this was not an ordinary dream. His dreams never where. It was  for a reason the villagers called him "the Prophet". This was a vision and the  girl in his vision, was going to die. Jake looked at the clock. It was only 5am,  but he did not feel like sleeping. Instead, he took a shower, putted on some  clothes and walked over to the kitchen, to make himself some scrambled eggs.  Jake was somehow surprised to see a letter lying on the table. Jake lived in a  little house in a small town, in the north of Scotland. Not many people knew of  this town, and even less would send him a letter, let alone send him a letter  in the middle of the night. Jake walked up to the table, grabbed the envelope containing  the letter and examined it. It was sealed with a red stamp, and it seemed  official. Jake walked to the kitchen, got himself a knife, opened the envelope  and read the letter it contained.