Weerwolven van Wakkerdam

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, somewhere far, far away, yet actually not quite very close, there was a guy. His name was Adrian. The story that you are about to read is the story of that guy, Adrian's story. The story of how he became a hero. Or something like it. Be prepared for something unlike anything you know. Adrian's story is mind-blowing, spectacular, epic, wild and adventurous, and so much more. It's everything you've ever wanted and it starts one Friday evening, at 3 minutes past midnight.

Adrian is like, totally sitting behind his computer, writing some lame story, when he hears the bell. He jumps up, out of his chair, onto his bed and does a weird dance. Then he puts on some shoes, looks out the window and runs downstairs. He opens the door for his best friend in the whole wide world, Sonny. Some people mispronounce his name, saying Sunny, that really ticks him off, even though he is a pretty relaxed guy. Adrian and Sonny do a high five and rub bellies, as they always do when greeting.  Unfortunately, this time something goes wrong.
It had been some time since Ad and Son had last seen each other, and Ad had been working out. Not aware of how much more powerful he has become since they last met, Adrian does not control his power. Thus he, accidentally, squashes his dearest friend in the whole wide world. Upon realizing his awful deed, Adrian brakes down to the floor, crying big fat blue salty tears on the red carpet that he hates so much. He rolles up into a ball, next to the dead body of his friend. How he regretts not telling Sonny all the things he has always meant to say but hasn't. Like how he thought a moustache looked horrible on him, or how he still sometimes wondered if anything would have been different if his drawing had won the competition when they were six. So many words remained unspoken. After all these years, Adrian finally sees how little they have ever said. How little of meaning they have spawned into the world. If only they had written that novel, had made that movie they always spoke of. The day Sonny died was the beginning of a new era for Adrian. He wasn't giving up on Sonny, on his friend! Determined to bring Sonny back to life, Adrian pickes him up and sets out on a journey to a place where someone will bring Sonny back to life. No matter how long it will take him, or where, he will go on. He will save Sonny, even if it is the last thing he does.

After going inside, where he put Sonny's body in his freezer and packed a bag with some clothes and food, Adrian went outside again. The cool breeze tugged at his hair and his sense of adventure. He regretted Sonny not being there with him. Though was a little bit with him, Adrian had cut of one of his toes, as he wouldn't be needing any of those for some time anyway. Besides, the person who was going to fix Sonny could fix that too. So, actually he didn't really regret Sonny not being there, it really was better like this. Because now Adrian would get all the credits, they would look up to him! Not Sonny, Sonny would just be that funny dead guy, just lying there all frozen and stuff. Ha, thought Adrian, maybe it's a good thing he's dead, now I can be the hero! Good for me! Happy about the way things had worked out, he marched on merrily, whistling a jolly tune in the early morning.
When he had been walking for some time, his feet hurting and his mouth dry, Adrian was getting kind of sick of this whole adventure. Maybe he just wasn't made for this kind of thing. And besides, it wasn't as if Sonny would care, he was dead, he should just be glad that Adrian even started this whole crazy plan. Fed up with Sonny's egoism and the stupidity of this journey, Adrian turned around and started making his way back to his home. While trying to think of a way to get rid of Sonny's body, he saw a nice, comfy-looking bench, where he sat down. Finding a good way to dispose of his friends body was harder than he had expected. Just dumping it somewhere didn't seem quite right, not worthy of his friend. Keeping him in the house wasn't an option either, as he would start to get all smelly and disgusting in a couple of days. For a minute Adrian just sat there, pondering the difficult situation Sonny had gotten him into. Then he decided he would figure something out eventually, and that he might as well just get home and have a good night's sleep first. The way his feet hurt him now it made it hard for him to think properly, so he shouldn't bother, Adrian knew his feet. He was glad he had concluded in time that adventure was not his cup of tea. Adrian was more of a stay-at-home guy.

Twenty minutes later, Adrian returned home. His feet were sore and his muscles ached but he had made it. Proud of himself, he felt a reward was deserved. He went to the fridge and got himself a beer, which he opened with his teeth, something Sonny had thought him. Remembering Sonny still lying in the freezer, Adrian decided to check on him, maybe see if the rotting process had already commenced. What he found when opening the freezer, was not Sonny's decomposing corpse though! No, it was something much more awful. He had failed to notice it when he had put Sonny in there, but now he saw. One of the packages containing an unidentified object, probably leftovers a couple of months old, had somehow unfrozen and weird, wobbly green fungus had rooted on its surface. In a moment of bravery, Adrian, though grossed-out, put on some protective gloves and got a shovel from the garage. With the shovel as far from his body as possible, he scooped the freaky food up and swung it over his neighbours fence.
It was only then that Adrian realised there was something missing. Something important. He just couldn't figure out what it was. He went inside again and closed the freezer, took his beer and took a seat on the couch. It was there that an epiphany struck him. Sonny, it was him, he had been missing! He wasn't lying there, all stiff and cold blue-ish anymore. As he had done earlier that night, Adrian jumped up. Unable to come up with anything better to do right then, he sat down again, moving his head around wildly. Suddenly he felt the funny urge to mill his arms through the air in a rather freaked out fashion. Maybe it was best for him to just go with the flow and give in to the urge, Adrian wondered. Not aware of the fact that only crazy characters in cartoons do such things, he happily milled his arms through the air.  In the process he hit a vase over, which fell onto the floor and spat apart into what seemed to be exactly 351 pieces.
To Adrian, this was a sign, as 351 was his lucky, or at least favourite number. Also during this momentarily loss of brain-awkwardness, which gave him the ability to count those pieces, he realised he had to find Sonny. Sonny being the son of a bitch he was, the kind of person to run away as soon as his friends set out to rescue him, he still had to be found. If not for Sonny's sake, definitely for Adrian's. He wasn't quite sure, but he guessed the police would think he was a murderer because it was him who had crushed his friend to death. If the police found Sonny walking through town both dead and naked, they would likely get pretty angry at Adrian. Or maybe at Sonny, for walking around stark naked. He was nude because Adrian had taken the liberty of removing his clothes, so he would freeze better and because they were pretty cool and they had about the same size. He hadn't kept the underwear though, he'd just thrown that out.
Fact remained his formerly alive friend was missing. Without a trace. Adrian now saw no other option than to resort to desperate measures. He picked up his phone and dialled the  only number he knew he could dial at moments like these. After ringing twice, someone picked up. A very familiar, low, husky-like voice asked him what he wanted. "Mimi, you have to help me." Adrian whispered into his phone. A mocking grunt was the only reply he got, "Please Mimi, I'll do something for you sometimes!" He heard a loud sigh on the other end of the line, then the voice again, "Yeah, right. What did you do?" Adrian shuffled with his feet, trying to come up with a way to say what he had to say without pissing Mimi of too much. "I killed your brother. And... ehrm... yeah, he's kind of gone now. So, erhm, that's kind of a problem you know..." No reply. "Mimi, you still there?" Still no reply. "Mimi? Please? Do you hear me? Can you say something? Did something happen? Are you OK? Do I need to call an ambulance?" Finally he heard something, a chocking sound which he didn't quite understand. "Mimi? Are you dying? Seriously, should I call a doctor or something?" All of a sudden he heard a clicking sound and then only 'beep beep beep'. He wondered whether Mimi was alright. It was probably rather shocking to hear your brothers body was missing. Adrian was unsure what to do next. He could either go see if Mimi was OK, or he could just relax a bit and let Sonny's dead body be.
But if the son of a bitch wanted to run of, well, who was Adrian to stop him! Yes, Adrian decided, if Sonny didn't want to stay with Adrian, he shouldn't go after him. And if Mimi didn't want to help find Sonny, well, whatever. Not his fault, not his problem. Now he could finally relax and drink some more beer. After all this trouble, he definitely deserved that. He walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. It was empty. That sucked, there were some more in the garage though, so he went there. Just to be sure, he looked in the freezer one more time, but still there was no Sonny there. However, there was definitely something different. All food in it had been rearranged, into letters. Letters that formed a word. A word. 'Oooooh,' Adrian thought, 'Wow'. Quickly he took a picture with his cell phone. He had to figure out what the food was trying to tell him. Maybe Mimi would be willing to help him, maybe that way they could find Sonny too, even if he didn't deserve it!

It was freezing cold outside and Adrian was just about to turn around and go home when the door opened at long last. "Mimi!" Adrian gasped, pushing through the door. "Didn't you hear the bell? I rang plenty of times." He was looking questioningly at the spitting image of Sonny, which said nothing. "Do you have some tea? Or maybe some beer? I'm quite cold, you see." Out of the blue he felt a sharp pain biting at his cheek. "Ouch! What did you have to do THAT for?!" Mimi was looking at him angrily, hand clutching a table. "What! What I did that for? You killed my brother man! Are you crazy? And why the hell are you dressed like that? It ain't summer! Crazy, foolish, retarded asshole! What the bleep are you doing here anyway, bothering me in the middle of the night!" Adrian could see Mimi was getting pretty pissed, which was a very bad thing. He didn't understand why, though. He had decided to wear his most handsome and slick bikini, which he knew made him look stunning, and some platform heels. It had been a hell of a job getting to Mimi's house, but he had thought it was the right thing to do. Mimi always seemed happier when he wore few pieces of clothing. "Mimi, are you OK?" He tried to give a bearhug, but he didn't succeed as Mimi's shoulders were really broad. "I miss him Adrian, he's gone! You let him get away and now I'll never see him again. And when you dress like that, it's so hard to control myself, I hate that. Why can't you see!"
For a minute he was silent, then Mimi proceded to kiss Adrian on the mouth for a very long time. About halfway through Adrian felt as if Mimi was trying to kill him by means of sticking his tongue all the way down his throat into his stomach. There was drool everywhere and Adrian now felt as if he was actually in a pool. He pushed Mimi away and slumped to the floor. "What was that!" He asked breathlessly but also smiling faintly because it had been the best wet kiss he had ever had. "I just really wanted to do that for a very long time. I'm gay you know." Mimi shrugged, looking at the floor and his feet. "Yeah, I see. Wow, pfew, that was quite something." Adrian was thinking of Sonny no more, all he wanted was Mimi! Mimi before breakfast, Mimi after breakfast, Mimi during breakfast, Mimi before lunch, Mimi during lunch, Mimi after lunch, Mimi during dinner, Mimi after dinner, Mimi before dinner. Always Mimi! They could call their children Mimi too. Mimi jr. one and Mimi jr. two. Mimi jr. one could be a boy and Mimi jr. two could be a girl. Then they could call their children Mimi too, and Mimi's would spread throughout the entire world. Mimi's would rule the world, squash all non-Mimific people and live happily ever after. Adrian would also change his name to Mimi and together with the original vintage Mimi they would live forever and ever and ever and be totally, utterly, completely, flabbergastingly awesome. And they would also play singstar and guitarhero all the time.
Maybe they would also have a third child, which they could call Johnny. If they ever found the time for it, they might have a fourth child too. Another girl which they could call Mimi2 or Xantheloopy (which would of course be pronounced as Santeloopi). Those kids would have to be killed by their other kids though, because the world was strictly a Mimific place. So then they would have to build a second earth to have a second life (only Adrian and Mimi) with their non-Mimific children. Otherwise they would be really sad and mourny all the time, as it should be really painful to see Johnny and Mimi2/Xantheloopy die. But building another planet was pretty difficult he guessed, so they would have to be sure to build at least one child with ginormous brains so that he or she could be smart and capable of making a planet. By the time he had come to that conclusion, Adrian's head was spinning.

"Benny?" Adrian asked incredulously, "But his name isn't Ben. He's always been Benny, just Benny. Anyways, what does he have to do with Sonny? They weren't even friends or something like that. Are you sure the food didn't just mean the song by Michael Jackson?" Once again Mimi rolled his eyes and shook his head, "Addy, of course Ben and Sonny weren't friends, Sonny always bullied him. You remember his nickname don't you? Little Benny bully-victim? Somehow Benny, or Ben I guess we should call him now, must have stolen my brother from your freezer..." Suddenly Adrian became aware of a strange sensation in the back of his mind. As if a bell was ringing. Something was nagging him, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was exactly. Then he knew. He was nearly utterly sure he had not told Mimi where he had kept Sonny's body. Come to think of it, it was pretty strange Mimi hadn't asked about that at all.
"Mimi... I just thought of something..." Before he could even finish his sentence Mimi interrupted him, "Addy, now is not the time to start thinking. We have to find my brother, come on! Let's go to his house first, I know where it is. It's not very far, so we can just walk." He tugged Adrian along then, not listening to the latters mumbling. It felt very weird to be thinking so much so suddenly. It felt very new and exciting. On the other hand, a feeling that something bad was about to happen slowly creeped onto him the more he thought. How did Mimi know where Ben lived? And wasn;t it really very, very convenient that he lived so close by? Hadn't Mimi sounded just a little bit bitter when he remembered Adrian of how Sonny had always been bullying Ben. Actually, if he tried very hard to remember the way things had been so many years ago, Adrian could faintly recall Mimi and Benny being friends! As soon as he grasped that, he could see the pieces falling into place. This puzzle was one step closer to bneing solved and Adrian didn't like it the least wee bit. He now felt very insecure and unsafe, what with being around Mimi for such a long time. Mimi and ben knew each other. Adrian was with Mimi. Danger.
There was something he did not understand though. Back at school, when Sonny bullied Bennu, him and Adrian hadn't even been friends yet. What then, did Ben and Mimi want to hurt him so badly for? He hadn't done anything wrong. Nor had Sonny for that matter, they were just kids back then. Young, innocent, or not so innocent but quite innocent nonetheless! What were they planning on doing to Sonny? He was dead already; there wasn't much they could do to hurt him further. Unless they could bring him back to life, there was no point in taking him. Maybe they were the kind of people to do nasty stuff to a dead person. But was Mimi really crazy enough to do that to his brother? Maybe they hadn't been planning on Sonny dying. How could they have taking his untimely death into account? Possibly that was what they were angry at Adrian for! Him killing Sonny, maybe they were going to abduct him! Torture him, instead of Sonny! Maybe stealing Sonny had just been a decoy, a way to lure him into their filthy den of crazy shizzle! They were angry at him for klling Sonny before they themselves had ever laid hands on him themselves and now they were going to get even. By now Adrian was totally freaking out. Ben and Mimi were going to do awful things to him and there was no way out. There he was, so young, close to the end. The contrast between him and Mimi couldn't have been clearer. Him, the sad, young protoganist, shaking and close to desperate tears, and Mimi, the evil, cruel antagonist, cool and collected on the outside, roaring with malevolent laughter within.

"Mimi, how much longer do we have to walk? I'm cold and scared. What if Ben really took Sonny? He must be crazy, roaming the streets with a naked dead guy. Maybe we should wait. You know, until morning. Or go find some cops. It would certainly be a lot safer! I don't want anything happening to either of us. And I'm still cold." They had been walking for such a long time, Adrian had completely lost the track of time. He wasn't sure, but judging by the position of the sun, he guessed they had been going for approximately 10 minutes. Him wearing nothing but the bikini and platform heels, he had the feeling some less fortunate limbs would die if this journey lasted much longer. Once again it was confirmed that mankind, or Adrian if you like, was not made for traveling long distances. Also, he was a little insulted that Mimi hadn't offered him his coat. Sonny had always been quite the gentleman, holding doors, chairs, coats, that kind of stuff. Adrian never really understood the reason behind all those things, it wasn't as if they had a relationship or anything, but it had felt nice. Thinking of that made him sulky and Mimi looking all angry and determined didn't do anything to make him feel better. He was really fed up with this whole thing. If only Sonny had watched out a little better, they would just be sitting in his house, on the couch, watching a movie and drinking beer.
By this time Sonny would've grabbed his hand, maybe already put an arm around him. Adrian would rest his head on his best bud's shoulder and sometime later he would fall a sleep. In the middle of the night he would wake up in his bedroom, lying in his bed. It was always Sonny leaving who woke him up. Then Sonny would come to his side, sit on the bed for a couple of minutes, silent. Adrian would look at him and smile, Sonny would finally bend down and kiss his forehead and then leave. Adrian always felt a bit confused but fell fast asleep quickly. Yes, what good times that had been. Maybe he should go with Mimi, confront Ben and find out where the hell Sonny was. After all, they had been friends for a long time and in the end he would really miss Sonny a lot. Sonny also looked better than Mimi, more the kind of person you wouldn't mind being seen in the company of. Actually, Mimi was a ginormous asshole. He'd just wet his pants as if it was nothing. He never offered him his coat. He didn't seem to care at all if Adrian went cold. His kissing had been kind of disgusting, all wet and icky. Not once had he looked at Adrian's shoes admiringly, which Sonny definitely would have! And that was just the beginning. There was not one good reason for Adrian to hang out with this lame-o. He'd been so stupid! So blind! He didn't need Mimi's help, he could do this alone. Or with someone else. Anyway, Mimi was just a burden, stupid and fugly. "Yeah! BLEGH! I'm going HOME, Mimi. You go do scary stuff with Ben if you want to, but leave me out of it! In your face! There you go, GOOD, FOR, YOU! HA! Yeah!" Adrian had already half turned around when he stopped, "And give me your coat!" Without a word Mimi took of is coat and handed it to Adrian. For a moment he just stood there, silently blinking away what seemed to be tears. Briskly he turned his back on Adrian then and walked on towards wherever Ben's house was. Adrian wondered whether their roads would ever cross again...

The next morning when Adrian woke up, the sun was shining and he felt good. Somehow he had managed to make it back home and into his bed. His feet still felt a little sore, but they would be fine after a nice warm bath. It was so much easier to look at the bright side of life when it wasn't the middle of the night. This reminded him of the DVD he had borrowed Sonny last week, Miffy and the Malicious Muppets 2, one of their favourites. There was a long dialogue in there, concerning ways to look at the dark side of life. One of them was the fact that they had cookies on the dark side, really tasty ones. They never explicitely said so, but Adrian believed they must be chocolate chip cookies, which were the best. Cookies would be nice now, with some milk. His mother didn't agree, but he thought that was the best breakfast a boy could get. Though maybe the first place would have to be shared with bacon and eggs. And cotton candy and blueberry marshmallowyoghurt with rice. But together with those it obviously ruled! All this dreaming of food made his stomach growl so he went downstairs to check what was waiting for him in the fridge. It wasn't much. Not the cookies he had hoped for anyway. Some mushy potatochips, a couple of darkbrown bananas and Mimi's severed head. He closed the fridge again and went to the garage to see if maybe the food in the freezer had gone back to normal. When he opened it, inside he found the food, rearranged, but not as it had been. It now spelled another word. Adrian had never had a talent for reading, but without Mimi he had to do it himself. It took him some time but eventually he succeded. Or at least hoped he did. (He did, don't worry, he's only rusty because he doesn't read that often). The food now told him he was a "Bitch".

Two hours later he felt completely reborn. He had eaten, washed, bathed, shaved and donned some fabulously gorgeous clothes and now felt as if he could take on the whole world. It was about time to go find Sonny and bring him back. That horrible Ben guy was not going to hurt him anymore. How dare he even think of something so mean and ghastly! Adrian was still shocked all of this had happened. In less than a day, his whole life had been turned topsy turvy. It was disconcering how easily one's life could be changed into a diabolic mess. His life now resembled the room he had slept in as a teenager, before he moved into this beautiful mansion in Ladida Town. There had always been underwear, slowly crawling through his room, the brown stains seeming to grow as time passed. Sometimes there had been food too, just lying around, dead, with sad smiles on their little foody faces. And drawings, millions of them, they lay everywhere, showed everything. There were men, women, naked men, sometimes naked women too, dandies, Oscar Wilde, Bosie as he imagined him, his friends and hundreds of drawings depicting himself. Yes, back then he had drawn a lot. He hardly ever did that anymore nowadays. It was a shame, he should really take it up again one day, after this epic adventure had been brought to a fortunate ending. A fortunate ending, yes, he should start bringing it to that. This meant going to confront Ben. But first he wanted some chips, which he remembered having seen in the fridge, next to the chopped off head that once belonged to Mimi. The head that had been stuck to Mimi's torso just hours earlier, the head that was supposed to still be attached to the rest of Mimi's body right at this moment.
"Fuck."

There he was, cradling a large man's head in his arms. He wasn't sure whether he was happy, sad or angry or just felt nothing. That he hadn't been sure of Mimi's intentions previous to his death only made things worse. For now it was very likely Mimi had wanted nothing else than just to find his brother and had died in trying to do so. Adrian's epic adventure seemed to become increasingly complicated with every minute that passed. Not only did he loose his best friend and new lover, he also had to retrieve the formers body, find out what had happened to both and avenge Mimi. He wondered what would be next. Himself mysteriously disappearing? But then who would go looking for him? This thought eased his tension a little. There was no one to go find him, while in movies, there was always a pretty male or female to rescue the hero. Such a person not being there for Adrian had to mean he would not get lost. Or if he did, he wouldn't really be lost. He'd just be temporarily unaware of his whereabouts, but he'd be in exactly the right spot for the story to continue as it should. A relieving thought.
Meanwhile, he still knew not where to, either for a short period of time or more permanently, lay the severed head of his one night stand to rest. Keeping it in the fridge wouldn't do. It was quite unnerving to wake up and find your dreams murdered like that. Especially the dream of a Mimific world he regretted losing. No more could he ponder on such a world, consisting solely of Mimi's . No more could he wonder on the chances of an alternative planet being realised in time. No more could he wait for Mimi to finally offer his coat. So many no mores after just one night. The difficult decision now arose whether to form new dreams first, or go to find Ben (or Benny or whoever he was looking for) first. Or, the greatest challenge of all, do bothg simultaneously. To be or not to be, or to be simultaneously, those were the questions.
Eventually he decided not to let himself of to easily, he would do both at the same time. That way it was alright for him to think of Sonny constantly. Maybe mourn Mimi a little too. Definitely think of new baby names. Adrian was glad Johnny and Xantheloopy were still useable, he liked them very much and it was one hell of a job coming up with new ones. Unfortunately, neither of them suffised for a whole world, Johnny was too plain and Xantheloopy too long. Though Xanthe would be pretty nice. Xanthific also wasn't too bad. "Xanthe," He said slowly, "Yeah, that's kinda cool. Yeah. Xanthe. Wow, I'm so good, just coming up with names like that, blimey!" Yes, dear Adrian was very pleased with himself. Not nearly as pleased as a guy on the other side of Ladida Town though... No, not by far.

On the other side of Ladida Town, Ben Kidneybean – aka little Benny bully-victim – was sitting on a bench in the park. In his lap he held an unidentified object, at which he was looking admiringly. We are looking at him from a distance, but if we had stepped closer, peeked in over his shoulder, we would have found out what it was that he adored so much. As we don't, you will never know. Or maybe you will, just not right now at this very moment. Do not let yourself be bothered, it is not necessary to know everything to fully understand Adrian's story. In fact, right now at this very moment, what Benny is doing is not relevant at all. Adrian isn't aware of Benny's actions and thus we do not have to be either. This was just a short intermezzo to wake you all up. Back to Adrian. During this short intermezzo, which took us maybe some 30 seconds, Adrian just smiled happily. Don't worry, you didn't miss a thing!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Adrian felt some random text popping up in his head. And there she sits, her sad eyes cast downwards, so we don't see the sorrow. She does not want us to share. For, so she says, shared pain counts double.
More and more Adrian felt as if he was becoming something some people might call an intellectual. What a sexy, sexy word that was. Intellectual; it made him want to take his clothes off and dance through his house in his birthdaysuit. Just like Brad Pitt did once. Papparazi would drop on by, take some pictures, hop a carpet and fly, to another Arabian night. Well, they might not actually go to Arabia, but they'd surely take some pictures of him. He was after all, very extremely attractive and outrageously hot! And he was tired. So before setting of for his flabbergasting journey, he sat down on the couch with a nice, icecold beer. It was so cold steam came off of it. "Oooooh!" He said, very much impressed by this splendor of cool.
Then he got bored, drunk his beer all at once and started playing with his mobile phone. Before he knew what he did, he randomly sent a text message to a number he had typed in without looking. He hoped the person he'd sent the message to would reply quickly and say something funny. Then maybe his phone would go on to snack on Adrian and he would die and that would be unbelievably tragic and silly. It doesn't happen but it's nice to think about it occasionaly. Everyone has to think about death every now and then, there's no avoiding it. Many people die before they've had time to wonder what it's like, dying that is. That really is too bad, because when you die, you can't think about it anymore. This is a shame because everyone should try to do as many, harmless, things as possible. Just seize the day, do whatever you can, live life to the fullest. Suck the marrow out of the bone, carpe diem, man!
*Bbzzt bzzt* his phone went after a couple of minutes. At first he was reluctant to pick it up, afraid that the guyrl that had replied would be angry and stupid and not nice and mean and that would totally ruin his day. Then he realised he didn't care and he just wanted to mess around with the whole world, because it had taken Sonny from him, and Mimi too. So he picked it up, opened the message and just saw the following text: Hi there Adrian! *scary, sick, evil laughter* He didn't see that last bit, he just thought he could here that in his head. Or maybe he didn't but it's a nice piece of writing so it doesn't matter too much.
Anyways, he picked up his phone, opened the message and saw the following text: Hi there Adrian! It probably isn't much of a surprise to you that this scared him quite a bit. Even more so because he hadn't even told this guyrl his name! He had, he checked first, so he was absolutely sure, sent the following message: Swinu snijdtekintsi. And he was pretty sure that didn't mean anything in any normal, regular, everyday language. Suddenly he felt another *bzzt*, and then a second one. It was his phone, he'd recieved another message. Instantly he saw it was from the same person. He recognised that evil number straight away. Even the font of the text was the same, he noticed, (forgetting this was actually only due to the fact that he had set the settings that way when he bought his phone). While he'd just felt a sort of itch before reading the first message, what he felt now resembled vvery much real genuine fear. It was nothing like anuthing he had ever experienced before. His lips trembled and his hands shook. Paranoia slowly took over from (rational) "thinking". What if it was from... Him? It had to be. Why else was he so scared? It wasn't as if he was writing this story himself. Obviously Adrian wouldn't have been afraid then. He'd probably have been drinking beer, or, more sophisticated, a Smirnoff Ice. And his harem would be dansing around him, wearing only tiny bikini's, not visible with the naked eye. (only with an electron microscope or something simmilarly high tech advanced blabla). His harem would conmsist of girls and he wouldn't be gay. That was really a lot easier and way more carefree. If only because girls were less inclined to chop off heads and the like. Or maybe they were but they kept it a secret better, bu not killing peope they knew (really well, like their best friends or family). Anyhoo, that's besides the point. If he were writing this story, he would be taking it easy somewhere comfy. With beer. Or some fancy cocktail. And he would ben fearless, without freaky little Benny's bothering him. What a wonderfull world that would be. Then he read the second message. "Hi there Adrian! Something went wrong just now. Sent wrong message. When are you coming over again? Miss you honey! Call me, love mom."

"Mom! You totally scared me. I thought you were some perverted creep, sending me freaky Hi there messages!"On the other end of the line he heard that oh so familiar laughing, "Oh honey, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you. Is someone being a meany to you? Do you want daddy to come over and teach them a lesson? Beat them up a little maybe? Don'[t be afraid to ask, OK Addyfaddyblubby?" It took some effort for him not to scream in frustration. He slowly inhaled, counted to ten, and then to eleven and twelf, then he slowly exhaled again. "Mom, please don't call me that, you know how much I hate it when you do. And I've told you at least a hundred and maybe even twohundred times dad doesn't have to come over. I manage perfectly well on my own, and besides, if he did come over he'd probably get a heart attack. Please have some faith in me OK? But I got to go know, I'll come over soon, I promise. Love you mcuh! He made a kissing sound and waited for his mother to respond, though he knew it would be something along the lines of: Love you more Addypaddyfladdywaddy! "Loe you more Addyfladdypaddywaddy darling. Don't stay up to late. Bye!" *beep beep beep* She always just hung up like that. He found it extremely annoying. Even after all those years and all those times she had done it, he still hadn't gotten used to it.
Then he decided the time had come to start doing something. He was going to go find Ben. Or Benny or whatever the little turd called himself nowadays. Too bad Mimi had died; otherwise he would've known where he could find the stupid termite. He was unsure what to do next. Where did other people find out where other other people lived? The first thing that came to mind was the internet, more precisely, his great Googly friend. Google always proved to be trustworthy and loyal, it never failed him. On the other hand, if he wanted to use Google, he'd have to turn his computer on and wait for like, totally a couple of minutes. Which would be awful and boring and a waste of time. He might as well just sit on the couch without even a drink, stupid! For once he would not rely on his friends to help him. He would go and explore dark and yet unfamiliar areas. Though they were gloomy and uncertain to bring him the desired glory, he would persevere. It was a matter of persevering or perishing... Whoooo! He walked over to the cabinet in the corner of his living room, intricately decorated in an outrageous yet sophisticated style. Deliberately he bent down, in full control of all his moves. Ever so slightly did he open the lower right door, which, however rusty its hinges were, did not creak. What lay inside rested on a velvet cushion, cherished and admired but also feared like all things that seem to represent a higher realm. What lay there was so special, so beautiful, so precious, he only touched it on the rarest occasions.
Now the time had come to open it. To peek inside. It was time for Adrian to lose himself in a whole new world. Enthralling and exciting it was! A rush of blood raced up to his head, endorfine and adreneline were spawned in abundance. A tidal wave of exhiliration washed through his body, and for a period of time ever to short he was riding it. It was magic and then it was gone. As if suddenly the spell had been broken, only there was no spell. Nothing. Silence, dead silence, everywhere. Not even his heart he could hear beating. Nothing. Not even his breath did he hear gushing through his parted lips. Nothing. Only silence, as if he had entered a vacuum in which nothing but this room exhisted. A split second he could feel the weight of the world, of all of Mankind, of creation itself resting upon his shoulders. He nearly fell down, crying, "I am not Enough! Do not Burden me with this! Please, I am but Small and Unworthy! Do not put All in my hands! Let Faith lean not on my miserable being!" He trembled, shook, swayed as if taken by the wind. Fear in his eyes, large and shocked, as if Death itself was haunting him. Could he hide? No, it was faith! Faith had come, thrown itself onto him. Nowhere could he avoid it. No one but him was given the duty to step up and conquer. Why him? Why not someone more heroic, more capable and more just. "Why! Tell me! Answer me for pity's sake! Relieve me of this. Let me be! Let me be. Let me be... Let me beer..." Did he cry out? He wasn't sure. Only the impression of fear still lingered behind. Had he been afraid? Had it been real? He knew not. Quickly he opened the shoebox and took the phone book out, then he put the box back into its original position. He heaved a sigh of relief, part one of his plan had succeeded.

"Ben Kidneybean." Adrian mumbled to himself, flipping through the pages of the thick novel. "Alfie... Dodderoddy... Fiddleton... Jelly... Ah! K." Slowly he ran his finger along the many, many lines of names. "Kampman... Ketchum... Kopjekoffie... No, wait, that's to far..." His eyes shot back and forth over the page, until he found the One Name. Kidneybean, B. Now all he had to do was find the one with the right initials. There was a Kidneybean, B.L.O.N.D.E. And a Kidneybean, B.A.R.B.A.P.A.P.A. Adrian knew which one he was looking for though. It had to be Kidneybean, B.E.N.N.Y. "Here goes nothing then..." He said, secretly hoping he'd picked the wrong one, as he dialed the number.

"Hullo, Mommy Kidneybean speaking, who's this?" Adrian's breath got caught in his throat. Out of all people that might've somehow been in the position to pick up the phone, Ma Bean was the one he least expected. Barack Obama? Fine, what with being President of the USA and all, no problem, shit happens. Sinterklaas? Yeah, why not, sneaking into people's houses all the time, it was only a matter of time before he would start picking up their phones now, too. The little kid starring in the upcoming performance of the Swan Lake by the late Pjotr Iljitsj Tsjaikovski, which will open the 22 of December? Crazy but surely possible. Momma Kidneybean? No freaking way! The person on the other end of the line had to be messing with him, fooling around, making fun of him, holding him for the rag, taking him in the ootje. It couldn't possibly be true. After all these years, how on earth could little Benny bully-victim still live with his single, and very hot, mother? He had to be 28 or 29, like Adrian, so he should've moved out years ago. Adrian had moved out ages ago, like, at least two years. This was crazy, utterly bizarre. As if the world was going bonkers and everything was berserk on top of that and if he kept thinking about it, Adrian's head would defnitely explode.
"Hello, anyone there? Is this a joke? I'll have to admit it's not very funny. Sorry." It was as if her voice woke him up, he'd completely forgotten he was on the phone with someone. Now he had to say something, he just didn't know what. "Hi." Great thing to say! He felt his face go red and was glad she couldn't see him. "Adrian? Is that you?" She recognised him? "What?" That was just impossible. "That is you right? Adrian, you always used to play with Benny when you were young. I must say it took me some time before I recognised your voice! So, how are you? It's been ages since you last came over, must be at least 15 years right?" Adrian just didn't know what to say. She recognised his voice. That was just... crazy. And had he and Benny been friends? He couldn't remember. He had though Mimi and Benny had been friends. Why had he forgotten? What had happened to him to make him forget something like that, something so... big, so important? Why hadn't he remembered when Mimi told him about Benny? "Adrian? Are you OK?" He swallowed with some difficulty before he could answer, "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just, I forgot. I had forgotten. I'm not sure why I called, but I didn't remember. I didn't know we were friends once. Can I come over maybe?" He regretted asking immediately, he couldn't go visit Benny! The guy had stolen his best friend and possible crush. They were sworn enemies, enemies don't hang out! "Oh, of course, but Benny isn't here. Actually you just missed him. He left early this morning, for Alaska. He'll be gone quite a long time, at least 2 months and maybe more. But if you don't mind not seeing him, I would very much like to see what's become of you! If you want you can come straight away? Assuming your not busy naturally, I wouldn't want to keep you from your work!" Her typically Ladida-voice sounded even more ladida-ish when she laughed. It was a cackling sound, like a witchs, only nicer, warmer and friendlier.

Now that he finally remembered bits and pieces, he could recall how much he enjoyed playing at Ben's house, especially because Momma Kidneybean always cooked them the best pies and cookies in the whole world. If he tried really hard he could still smell the heavenly odour they spread through House Kidneybean. The memories were hazy but now he was thinking back, he could call to mind all the times he'd cried when it had been time to go home. The agony felt so vivid, so real. The pain that clutched his heart so new, as if it wasn't years ago. As if it was this very moment that Momma Kidneybean told him he had to go, becuase else it would be dark and his mommy would get upset. Words sprang in mind, the excact words he would cry everytime she said those. "Mommy doesn't mind! Mommy doesn't want me to come home. It's OK. Can I please stay here?" She would smile reassuringly, back then he didn't see the sorrow in her eyes. Now that he saw the pictures in his head, as if it were a movie of someone elses life, he recognised that look. She seemed to want nothing more than to embrace him and hold him tight. Protect him from all the evil in the world, until the day death forced her to let go. "No, it's fine. I'll come right now. You have to help me remember, please." He heard her sigh, "Welcome back Addy. We've missed you so much. I was just baking a pie, your favourite. Or well, I'm not sure if it still is, I guess. Just find the house that smells best." Tears welled up in his eyes and he knew they were there in hers too. "I know which house smells best. How could I ever forget? It was heaven."
He knew. The big white house, which lawn always looked sparkly and greener than any other in the neighborhood, was theirs. Up till this day, he had always wondered who lived there. No one ever came out of the door and unearthly smells waved into your face if you walked on by. He never understood why someone apparently so rich could live such a secluded life. The only sign of life he'd ever seen was the shadow of a woman, standing behind the curtains. It was the house of dreams, him and the other kids had competed in telling the best stories about it. He laughed bitterly; no one had ever come close. Or no, someone had. Someone, a voice so familiar, he was sure he had heard it voice a thousand times. Whose was it?
"Addy! Wanna join us? I was just telling a story about the haunted house!" Sonny! "Come sit here." Sonny pushed the girl sitting next to him away and patted on the bark. Adrian felt something weird in his stomach. He didn't want to sit next to Sonny. Sonny was always so intimidating, nearly three years older, so full of himself. Adrian ignored this thought and sat down on the tree. It was uncomfortable and he was cold. A shiver ran up his spine, Sonny noticed. "You cold? Here," He shrugged out of his coat, "Take this." Before Adrian could say anything to object Sonny had pushed the coat into his hands. "So, the haunted house. You know that right?" The question was directed at him, it was unexpected and he didn't have an answer. He wasn't used to being talked to. "Ehm..." Sonny threw his head back, shaking with laughter. "Of course you do! The white house, you know. Doesn't matter. Anyway, we all know who lives there, don't we? Ben Kidneybean and his mother. Little Benny bully-victim." Why was that name so familiar? He didn't know the white house, but that name rung a bell. Ben. There were three girls and, not including him, three boys. Everyone laughed at whatever Sonny said. To Adrian he didn't seem so funny, but he had to missing something, why else were they all laughing? Vicious laughter woke him up. He hadn't been paying to the story but it didn't seem to matter. Sonny had finished his story and everyone had enjoyed it. He had some trouble keeping his eyes open. The fire was nice and warm and Sonny's coat was furry, like a blanket. Slowly he felt his eyes falling shut again. "It's OK Addy." He heard someone whisper in his ear.

Sonny's voice. That was the voice he had remembered. Bark, the fallen down tree in the clearing. He never should've taken the coat. He should've given it back and gone home. If only he had. How could he have thought of the Michael Jackson song even once? Ben had been his best friend, his bloodbrother. Another mistery solved, the small scar in his palm. Once it had been the sign of their friendship, their friendship that would always last. They laughed because they were stupid, like sheep, meek and following, all things Adrian never wanted to be. Him and Ben had promised to each other never to become like Sonny and his gang, hadn't they? He had become worse, he had become everything and more, Ben's own personal nightmare. That night he hadn't enjoyed the story, not yet. 'Cause Adrian did know how the story went. It was nasty and mean, merciless. Eventually he'd pretended falling asleep, slumping sideways against Sonny. Just another one of his many Big Mistakes.

"Addy!" She flung into his arms, which were still open after such a long time. After so many things that had happened. "I'm so sorry, so, so incredibly sorry. All the things that I have done, I'm a monster. You are to good, welcoming me like this." The look on her face was one of deep regret, "Dear Adrian, I loved you as were you my own son. I still do, nothing can change that. You were young, you made mistakes. We all did." And there she sits, a beautiful young woman in the prime of her life. Her sad eyes cast down, so as not to show him the sorrow, the hurt. For, so she said once, shared pain counts double. He laughs, never shall he share her pain.
"Benny, I mean Ben, how is he?" Adrian sees her flinch, something which he'd been afraid of. It was Ben he had hurt most. "He is fine. It changed him, but he's a good man." Adrian knew she had meant to say more, and the wetness of her eyes only confirmed it. Did she know, had Ben taken Sonny's body? He dismissed the thought, it was crazy. He hadn't gotten back all his memories, there were gaps, both natural and somehow inflicted, but he knew Ben would never do something like that. And if he really lived in such a fucked up world where things like that happened, Delores Kidneybean couldn't have been aware of it. Now that was a stupid thought, it had happened right under her nose. How could she not have known? She was an intelligent woman. Though he noted with regret that the ones that could trick her where the ones she loved most, like him.
"I... I called you, because..." No words came, what was there to say? I came because I think you son stole my longtime boyfriends body? Adrian finally admitted to himself that Sonny and him were that, lovers, partners, whatever people fancied calling it. Ever since that one night, he guessed. It was one of the things he wasn't sure of. Apart from that piece at the fire, the whole night was vague. And he had no clue to why he had abandoned Ben in the first place. How could he tell her that he had stayed with the person that screwed up her and her son's life? Ben had probably taken the body and he had every right to, however mad it was. It was Adrian who had murdered him anyway. Whatever Ben could or would do to Sonny, nothing could be worse than killing him, something that had already been taken care of.
"Adrian. You understand, don't you? That's why you came here, you already know. There is nothing left for me to say. Ben just said he was going somewhere, away. He didn't tell me for how long or where. It's the first time in, in I don't know how many years he's left this house without me for longer than just a couple of hours. I'm afraid Adrian, of what he'll do to himself. He's not fine. What you and... Lucas did, it changed him. And not for the better. It's only become worse. That's why I let him go, because I hoped that maybe, just maybe it would help him. My son is 29 years old. Before this morning, he had not left this house in 11 years. I had to look at him every day, turning into a freak. An alien. His skin is so pale, like alabaster, nearly translucent. My biggest fear for years has been waking up one day and finding that he'd vanished. Not really gone, just that I couldn't see him anymore. That I just looked straight through him. Or see nothing but his intestines, floating in the air." Her voice had grown bitter. Adrian felt nothing but shame, horrible, awful shame. It was entirely his fault. His fault; he was responsible for causing this woman, whom he had loved more than his mother, so much pain.

And that name she had mentioned, Lucas, it had triggered something. More memories came floading into his head. It was incredible how many things he had just failed to save to his hard disk. That had been thrown into the bin, erased, but not completely. As if the tiniest fraction, the smallest shred of his brain had been able to hold on to all those things with the tips of its so-called fingers. Lucas was Sonny's birthname. The one he hated so much and never wanted to be called. Sonny told him about it once. One day, he had been about seven years old, he realised he hated it. He hated it and wanted to get rid of it, so from that day on, he was to be known as Sonny. A cool name, a confusing name, because he let no one pronounce it as Sunny. Everyone just said Sonny, so for Delores to call him Lucas must mean that it was too difficult to name the monster by its true name. Or its not so true but anyway most commonly used name. (It's nuts how much one person can just forget don't you think?) Only once had Adrian called Lucas that. They had been having the worst row ever and Adrian really wanted to hurt him. He had said that *Lucas* (the *'s implicate the emphasis on that word) should just go back to his sad, pityful former self, the one he'd abandoned all those years ago. At the time Adrian hadn't even been sure whether there was a Lucas like that, especially since Sonny'd given up the name when he was only seven, but the words had seemed to hit home anyway.
Maybe that was why Sonny had acted like that. Cause he had changed, the years had made him grown kinder, more caring. He wasn't that same boy anymore when he was squashed between Adrian and the doorpost. Otherwise Adrian wouldn't have ever even stuck around for such a long time. He could've bought a house everywhere, staying near Sonny had been his own choice. His dad once wrote a Christmas carol which earned him fantanormous amounts of money. Then his dad died when he was still pretty young and left his wife half the money, the other half went to Adrian, his only son. (And only child, don't worry, no one was left empty-handed). So that's why Adrian's got loads of cash and that is also why he could have bought a house anywhere in the world.
The house he had bought now was actually not a house, nor a mansion as I mentioned earlier, it was a villa. A capital villa with a nice big thingy of grass around it, which he didn't even have to mow himself. With the house came a guy who was a professional, award-winning lawnmower. His name was Sjaak and he was very good at his job. There was another guy working for him, whose name was Jacques Brel and he was not French but Adrian could never remember what he was so he just thought of him as a Frenchman who ate baguettes with French cheese all the time. That would explain why he was so smelly. Jacques was the one who did all the handyman stuff, like painting the house and fixing the gate and stuff. The house had been pink at first, which was the main reason Adrian had bought it, but then Jacques had panted it off white and he like that better so nowadays it was a white house. It was very pretty and the front looked like a face. A very shocked face, the eyes were the 1st floors windows, it didn't have a nose and the door was the mouth. It was shocked because the door was obviously quite tall and it looked like a shocked mouth. Like 0. It didn't have a nose, but it did have cheecks, which were the windows next to the door. Adrian liked that a lot, his house being a face. Though if he thought about it some more, he came to the conclusion the house ate him every time he entered and then barfed him out every time he left. So that was quite disgusting and then he didn't like it anymore and just didn't think of the house as a face anymore.

So, you read quite a lot of crap just now, but in fact Adrian was still standing there in front of the Kidneybean house, looking at Delores and feeling ashamed. Let's continue from there again. "Can I come in? I can do nothing to erase my mistakes and we both know that wasn't what I came for, but I would like you to tell me. Everything, what happened to make me change like that. What exactly I did to you, I remember most, but not all. And I need to know, to fill in the blanks. Figure things out. Make sure that I really want to find them." Then he didn't know what to say anymore, so he just shut his mouth and blinked at Delores. "I should hate you Adrian. That's the first thing I'll tell you. There is no one in the world that I should hate more. Now come in, I've got raspberry maggot pie, it used to be your favourite." She ushered him in and as soon as he set foot on the soft beige woolly carpet, the smell of his most favouritist pie in the whole world wide world and also beyond that probably hit him full in the face.

Somewhat later they were sitting on the couch in the big yet spacious but also quite wide and long living room. Adrian had finished his pie and was now slowly sipping from his cool beer. It tastes pretty bad, because it was non-alcoholic, but he bore it like a man. They hadn't really said much since finishing their pie and the silence was starting to grow somewhat uncomfortable. It appeared that Delores was thinking the same at that precise moment too, for they both cleared their throats with a loud "AHUM" at exactly the same time. Then they both smiled at the simultaneously and then Adrian just felt stupid and embarrassed again. "So..." Adrian said. Delores nodded, "Yeah... well. What do you want to know?" Out of nowhere, a naughty thought entered Adrian's brain, "Are you OK with me asking anything? Every detail?" Delores nodded solemnly, "It was brave to come here Adrian, now you should learn the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Feel free to ask anything you want." Almost he opened his mouth to ask about some very private details, then he decided it was for the better not to and shut of the part of his brain which was labelled "naughty".
"I'm not sure what to ask, really. Where to begin. I think I remember pretty much everything up to some point, then a whole chunk of memory just goes missing. Then there's the night I first hang out with Sonny, which seems significant and after that there's a lot of bits and pieces that don't really fit together. It looks like I need to remember that big chunk first. What happened? Did Benny and I get into a fight or something? Why didn't I hang out with him anymore?" He tried to say more but did not know which words to use or how, so he just sighed and waited for her answers. On the coffee table lay a copy of "Great acts of extreme intelligence by simpleminded chestnuts", which he picked up to come across as a little less nervous. Flipping through the pages he saw many daring and innovative pieces of contemporary chestnut artwork. But since he hated chestnuts, anything nutty actually, he quickly placed the book at its original spot again. There it lay silent, mocking laughter radiating from it, or so it seemed to Adrian.
"Many questions you have, young Adrian. Where to begin? What to say? The truth? I shall have to tell you a great many things you have forgotten, some through time, some through the sheer force of those memories themselves. It will overall not be pleasant to regain conscience of what happened. Do you still want to proceed?" Gravely she spoke these words. Words of wisdom. Adrian nodded, "Let it be." She looked him in the eyes, measuring him, then took one deep gulp of air. "Let it be then. Yes, what happened. It is exactly more or less 15 years ago tomorrow. Ben and you were walking to school, as you did every morning. Following the same route you followed every morning. Likely taking just as many steps as you did every morning. Yet quite unlike other mornings, this particular morning... something went wrong." She paused, as if to let the importance of being Earnest, or at least telling this story, sink in on him. "Let us * flashback*."

Together they made a flashbacking motion, which unfortunately I will not be able to tell you about, as a) I am not in the position to share such unbelievable, world-changing knowledge with you and b) I have no idea whether such a motion actually truly exists. It probably doesn't, but it is advisable to not ponder upon such earthly matters to much while reading my many splendored story. Amen.

You were walking together with Ben, or Benny as he was still called back then. (You see, his real name was Benny but he changed it after the accident. He refused to ever respond to Benny again, he only wished to respond to something completely different. And so Ben was born.) You always came by our house, a two minute walk from yours, picked him up and together you continued towards school. From our house, the one you are sitting in as we flashback, that took you two about ten minutes. A little less maybe, a little more if you had a slow day. I think you still remember your elementary school lay right next to the Junior High and High school. Ever since you and Ben were little boys you walked there together. Everyone in town could picture you walking along the road, telling each other jokes and having so much fun. I can still see myself smile when you made another stupid joke and then laughed as if the world depended on it. Those were the good days.
I'm not sure if you can recall this, but your Junior High lay across the road from elementary school. This was to keep the big kids from pestering the small ones I suppose, a good thing in my opinion. Before you know it, those horrible monsters turn all children into tiny drug couriers. Anyway, during all of primary school you never had to cross that road. Junior High lay on the opposite side though, and accordingly as from your twelfth year of life and on, every morning you crossed it. A busy road, bustling with life. Many monstrous machines speeding up and down, cars, busses, trucks, bicycles, flying motorcycles, and so on. That day, you must've forgotten to pay attention. Or maybe you did but well, a lot of drivers seem not to care about anything but themselves. Not that it matters, whether you've got yourself to thank or an oblivious driver, you were hit.
Only once did Ben talk about it, but I've heard many different recountings of what it looked like. All those versions together pretty much added up to you, seemingly weightless, flying through the air. Several loopings, corkscrewers and a perfect pirouette later, you crashed into the floor. Many said it sounded as if you weighed at least 300 pounds or more, a gigantic gong being sounded. Bones creaking and breaking, flesh ripping and splashing apart, your brains juggled and shaking, not stirred, wildly inside their box. The world froze for a moment. Only when my little Benny made an awful squeaking noise none of the spectators will ever forget they were reanimated. Someone called the alarm number and they came as soon as they possibly could have, almost to late though. As you know, there is no hospital in Ladida Town, so it took them a half hour drive to get to you, then another half hour before genuine, trained professionals could attend you. You nearly died.

They had to perform surgery for a week on end, not pausing once. Surgeons from all across the world had to be flown in to test their skills in the ultimate battle against death and time. Many new and never before tested techniques were used on you, some worked, some failed. Revolutionary and ground-breaking results were achieved, true tragedies occurred. One of the doctors, a 67 year old woman from the illusive country of which I always forget the name but which I know is called Pardijouwackhimuba, died of a heartattack due to dehidration due to a lack of fluids due to getting not even one break during the whole two days she worked on you. When she died she fell face forward into the gaping wound that now is your stomach. In dying she nearly sealed your faith. Luckily they were able to throw here out quickly and continue operation. At the end of the week, after stitching you up completely and tying the knots to the ends or whatever the expression goes, you died.

At first none of the attending nurses and doctors thought much of it. You had pulled that trick a couple of times during the operate-o-thon, so it wasn't that much of a big fat cookie monster deal. So they waited. And waited. And waited, but you just went beep. Beep. *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*. For maybe 10 minutes you just went beep. Then they all got sick of it and zapped you with such a thing, you know what I mean, that thing they use to electrocute dead people to get their heart going again. So they did that to you and then again and a third time and then you didn't just go all beeeeeeep anymore. You went *beep beep beep etc* and everyone rejoiced and clapped hands and high-fived and hugged and laughed and cried and was overall happy. For a week afterwards they kept you pretty much comatose so that you could recover a little before you would get up and be all alive and kicking again. Then they woke you up and you remembered nothing.
It was so weird, so surreal. You didn't just forget some small details, or vague relatives' names. You forgot everything. You were a fourteen year old baby. We were all so utterly taken aback by that, completely flabbergasted. Luckily you regained most abilities in the course of a couple of days, speech, motion, those things. Your memories though, they didn't come back. Not all of them at least. Mostly unimportant trivialities, dates, names of people you had met ages ago, not the details of your own life. You hardly remembered anything that had to do with Ben, or your mom. Funnily enough, you still knew me. At first you though I was your mother, much to the dislike of your own I must say. Slowly but surely more came back to you though, you remembered many things by the time you were fit to go back to school again, some two months after the accident. By that time you finally recognized Ben, truly recognized him I mean, remembered. Your home situation remained vague I think, at least you never talked about it to me anymore.
But your friendship with Ben... it wasn't the same. Even when you had your recollection of all the time you spent together back, you were always saying how it felt like the friendship was forced onto you. I have always believed that was partly why you were such an easy victim for Sonny. You felt like you had no choice besides being friends with Benny and that didn't feel right, not natural. You told me once that you had the feeling that you had no choice, no saying in this friendship, you had to be friends with my son and like any other teen, you rebelled against that. You pushed the things you thought we wanted you to do away, including Ben. He was heartbroken but he understood. He had hope and he waited. In vain it turned out. He held you responsible, which wasn't very strange but a little misled I think. You couldn't help how you felt, nor could you do anything about your amnesia. It was all just very sad and unfortunate and painful.

Then they made a flashforward motion, to which the same rule applies, it's impossible to explain.

"Wow." Adrian paused. He didn't really know what to think of this story. It sounded so incredible, so surreal. "Wow, that's just so... weird. I barely remembered anything of what happened you know. Like, now, I mean, I didn't just have the amnesia, I just completely forgot all about the amnesia too. So surreal." Delores smiled, somewhat rueful it seemed, "It is surreal Adrian. And it wasn't any less surreal to us back then. It wasn't all bad though, there were some good things I guess, depending on what way you look at things." She bit her lip and looked him deeply in the eyes before continueing. "Are you sure you want to hear this Adrian? All of it, I mean." She was more serious now than she had been during their whole conversation. Adrian was sure that what she was about to tell him wasn't pleasant. Since the rest hadn't so much been pleasant either, this was probably awful. He didn't look forward to hearing it. "Yeah, tell me. Everything."

"Well, you heard me, during the flashback, saying something about your mother, right? Wait, I'll quote it.

CiteerAt first you though I was your mother, much to the dislike of your own, I must say... Your home situation remained vague I think, at least you never talked about it to me anymore.

You remember?" She had been looking out of the window while she was searching for the quote, and secretly Adrian had rolled his eyes. As if he didn't remember what she had just said like, two seconds ago. "Oh, yeah, I guess I remember you saying that..." Such a convincing tone his voice had. "Adrian, cut the crap, I saw you roll your eyes." Adrian started, did that mean... she had eyes in her head! "I could see your reflection in the window. What was I saying again...? Oh yes, of course, your mother.
"You didn't remember her. For a time, I could only wonder why. But then it dawned on me. All the signals, all the little hints, they all fell into place suddenly. It all made sense then. You flattered me, with all the compliments you gave me, or what I took for compliments. Whenever you said you wished I was your mother, I figured you were just exaggerating, you know? And then I realised that all that time, you must have been genuine. You really didn't want to go home. So many times I heard you say that "mommy wouldn't mind", it took me so long to get the message. Your mother was a good woman, she still is. A good mother, though, not so much I think. She didn't really... harm you in any way, not directly, it was more a kind of... negligence. In the end you always went home, so it can't have been too horrible. You just felt cold, as in, no warm love was wrapped around you at home," Warm love? Like... ewh, gross. The more she talked, the easier he found it to understand why Benny's father had left her. Because that's what he did, he didn't die.
"Can you tell me about what happened? With Benny and me, and Sonny. I'm sorry to have to ask you, I just need to know all of it. Like you said, the pieces, they are slowly falling in place. But some are missing and I think you've got quite a few of those." He realised it almost sounded as an accusation, as if he blamed her for not telling him all. It really wasn't like that, be he didn't care about his mom. So what if she sucked when he was a child, it wasn't as if he remembered anyway. Some things were best left unsaid, even though he'd only asked her about it minutes before. Maybe this was too painful. But if it was... would he be up to the rest? Wouldn't that only be worse? He felt he had to think about it. Reminisce, set up a plan of action. Come to terms with what he had learned so far and then figure out if he wanted to proceed. It wasn't as if Sonny wouldn't stick to being dead, so he wasn't in a hurry. Eventually, after over 3 seconds of thinking about going home, he decided to go home. And have a beer! Only then did he notice it was kinda strange Delores hadn't replied. When he focused at her face again, he saw that she was crying. Was it because of what he had said? Most likely. He hated crying women, they were so... womenlike.
"Hey, uhm, Delores? I have to go... this is kinda weird and sometimes painful for me, so I'm going home and have a beer and think things through. OK? I'll just give you some rest for a while, stop nagging you. So... Bye!" He jumped up out of his chair and dashed towards the door, which he opened and then banged loudly. Then he guessed it made more sense to get out first, so that's what he did and then he banged it again. Then he felt banging the door was probably not very appropriate, so he opened it, yelled, "Sorry!" and went home.

When he got there, he opened a can of beer and sat on the couch. For a long time. Whilst having a lot of beer. Then it was evening and he watched a movie. It was called Newcastle, an Australian movie about surfdudies and one was gay with another guy, but not really. So actually there were two gay guys, but they didn't do anything besides surfing and being gay-but-not-really and nearly killing each other in a surfaccident. He didn't remember that much of it anymore next morning, because he had a couple of beers during the movie to. It was a very vague evening. Then he went to bed.

The next morning Adrian felt quite exquisitely horrible. Like an elephant had sat on is head for most of the night. On the other hand, the dull aching in his head blocked out any thoughts he could have possibly had on his life, which was good. Only he of course did not realize this, because he couldn't think about it. Because his head hurt so badly. So really he just hated beer. Only momentarily though, because then the doorbell rang. It wasn't ringing so much, more like an awful screeching, fit for the scariest most monstrous monsters in some lame horror movie. Then the bell screeched again and he went to open the door, because somewhere deep down inside he realized that opening the door was pretty much the generic thing to do when the bell rang. Or screeched.
'Hi,' said the postwoman, after which she smiled at him in a way that made her intentions all to obvious. 'You've got mail...' She stuck out her hand in which she was holding a couple of letters and one larger package. With a shrug he took them from her, why on earth didn't she just put them in the mail box. Then when she pulled her hand back, she accidentally ripped of his shirt and then when she was trying to give him back his shirt she sort of tripped over a bit of sand that was lying there and she nearly fell. Luckily, Adrian managed to catch her, though she still half fell into him. The postwoman seemed not to be distressed to much by the dreadful accident, she was still smiling quite happily. Then she pushed him in, causing him to drop his mail and closed the door. Adrian being the poor fellow he just can't help being, had no idea what was happening to him and since the headache was still raging through his head he just decided to go with the flow and maybe get laid. A little bit.
He's not completely ignorant you know. Sometimes he does get things. Like now, with the postwoman and her not-so-innocent smile. Yeah. Didn't see THAT one coming did you! And don't pretend you did, big fat pony-faced liar. Pinocchio would be ashamed at how bad a liar you are. Ha. Only if you are listening to Jack Peñate as we speak, will I believe you were actually sincere and smart enough to understand that sometimes Adrian is quite capable of making an attempt to fit into the world into which he was  born, just like you and me. So. Just wanted to make that clear, you know, for Adrian's sake. He sure wouldn't like it if he found out all of you non-Peñate listeners thought he was stupid and clueless and a brainless idiotic maggot. 'Cause he is NOT. There you've got it. In your sorry face.

Now don't laugh at me or Adrian, because he thought the postwoman wanted to get laid, with him. She didn't, okay? She didn't, she wanted to play Monopoly. Yeah, that sucked. Especially when he only found out after taking of his super sexy thong. Thank goodness the postwoman was very understanding and still more than willing to play a game with him after things were cleared up. Both Adrian and I agree that she was a lovely gahl and if only she were real. Too bad, boohoo, she's not, cry baby cry. We're old enough to know better so let's move on. As said, after that not so laid back moment of confusion, they played a game of Monopoly. Needless to say, Adrian kicked Postwoman's ass – Postwoman was actually her name too – which made him very happy. Then he went on to be even happier when he noticed his headache was gone, so he said goodbye to Postwoman to start making plans about the future, completely forgetting about the letters that were lying scattered outside his front door...

Now, because I am very much aware of the fact that you, dear readers, really want to know what is in those letters, I will enlighten you. Postwoman had handed Adrian 5 letters, along with the Big Letter. The BL is most important, so I will save that for you until Adrian actually gets to reading it. This is likely to piss you off, because you just read about me going to enlighten you. However, as you might remember, I did not specify of which of the letters I was going to tell you the contents. Thus, thou hast not in any way the right to be pissed off. Thou art stupid and thy being reeks of ninkenpoopism, for which you must and shall henceforth until further notice be punished. Thy punishment shal consist of the following; thou shalt not, until aforementioned further notice, be let in upon the most secretive message the Big Letter containst. Ha. Ha. Ha. Haha. So, that's that.
Two of the letters contained bills. One came from the storage company, where Adrian rented a space, which he used to store his fathers belongings in. Now you might be curious about the reason why it was not in fact his mother paying these bills. The reason is quite interesting, so I will tell you. Since his mother had met her new husband, she had started throwing things out. Most notably, his dad's things, treasures, items that his father had cherished and taken care of with the utmost precision and caution. And she just threw them out. Of the window, for God's sake! From the moment he first noticed this despicable behaviour, he did everything within his might to stop her. When that failed, for she did not listen to reason, he did everything within his might to sabotage her. When that turned out to be useless too – furniture and accessories he had glued to the floor where ruthlessly thrown out, with the floor still attached – he did everything within his might to kill her. When he realized he did not want to murder his own mother, he did everything within his might to save whatever he could. That was what he was still doing now. Every so often, his mother would go out in the dark of night, ever so sneaky and silently, even though he lived in a completely different neighborhood, to throw a Dad-thing that she had found inside the house while cleaning up out, or a picture that she had failed to tear out of the photoalbums. Slowly but surely, she was ridding herself of her late husband, Adrian Garp Tutu senior, also known as Adsdad. In his place came pictures of her new husband, items belonging to her new husband. This hurt Adrian to no end. His mother was replacing his father by a new man. Adrian liked his new dad, he was a fine man, enjoyed playing catch with him in the garden whenever Adrian was over and he was always ready to help him if need be. But no matter what, Nhoj Nonnel, also known as Adsnewdad, would never be more than that. His new dad.
His new "never-ever-going-to-be-able-to-replace-my-old-REAL-dad-,-even-though-he-'s-quite-cool-dad", (if you do not know the meaning of this word, let me warn you in advance, the internet will turn out to be of no use, so don't bother)*

---

* If you, against my advise, proceeded to type that word into google or any other search engine currently available to you, you are my hero for however long it takes you to finish reading this sentence. If you didn't, well that's too bad, your loss. You see, maybe you THINK it is a mistake to do that, and you know what, it is. However, that is besides the point. The POINT. is, that, as the late Albert Einstein, who was indeed a very smart guy, said "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." He was right. If you never do anything other than what you've done a trilliongazillion times before, you get so bored that you die. And if that happens, NO ONE is to blame but YOU. Try and face that without crying. Trust me, you'll cry. That's when you die. You cry SO hard, harder than you've ever done, that your body can't handle it anymore. It's literally and figuratively speaking a flooding of your system. Your system will fail. And the shitty bit is, by the time your system manages to make the words "SYSTEM FAILURE" flash bright red in front of your eyes, it's too late. You've failed and you die. Yeah. So. Bet you're thinking right now whether I'd notice if you typed in that word into google right now. And if it would make a difference if you did. Well, I wouldn't, seriously, NINKENPOOP. It's not as if I'm inside your computer (or book, seeing that this story is so brilliant it might very well one day be published), so obviously in no way am I going to find out if you do, unless you tell me of course. Go ahead, do it for all I care. It won't work anyway. Ha. Too friggin' bad. It's too late. You only get ONE shot, a thing that Eminem did not fail to see all those years ago when he was only a poor little cry baby rapper. See where it got him!
And, that's all I have to say about that.

Attention: Before reading the following paragraphs, please read the footnote. Thank you.

Ehm, right. What was I saying? The letters. Yeah, so, one was a bill. That was a shame. Another one was a bill, this one for the rent of his house, so that’s boring and also a shame. The third was the original copy of the Declaration of Independence, which Adrian had no use for, so he threw that in the old paper-basket. The fourth looked quite scary, no sender and everything, very Responsible and Important, but just turned out to be a new credit card that he had requested. Just for fun, with Sonny. The moment he thought of Sonny, everything just came back to him. Oh, no, wait, it didn’t, because I’m telling you this, he hasn’t read the letters yet. Anyway, that is what would happen when he read the letter, he would suddenly realize he had to do something, like finding Ben so he could Save Sonny. Doesn’t matter that’s what would happen though, because he’ll realize he has to do all that before reading the letters. So, well, on to the fifth and final letter (with a non-Capital l). The fifth letter was not really a letter, it was actually an advertisement stuffed in an envelope. The ad was for the new Wonderbra, designed by Dita von Teese. But Adrian didn’t need that either, so he threw that in the old paper-basket too.
Actually, that’s what he would have done, had he seen the letters. He still hadn’t though, and all except for the Declaration of Independence where swept away by the wind. This would result in a fine for not paying his bills on time, which was annoying of course but also his own fault, and he understood this, so he did not try to get out of paying the fines. No, it wasn’t until someone rang the doorbell that he finally saw the letters, (only two now, the Big one and the DoI). That someone was just a random kid trying to collect money for some Good Fund by selling stamps. Too bad for the kid though, Adrian bought nothing from him, first of because he thought the kid looked at him funnily, second because he never sent letters anyway. The first reason sucked to be absolutely honest, because Adrian opened the door wearing nothing but his super sexy thong. From that day until the day he died, the poor boy was traumatized and had very much trouble feeling comfortable around men wearing solely thongs. Unfortunately, the poor boy dropped out of school not very long after the encounter with Adrian – he developed an addiction to drugs, as they were the only thing that kept him from thinking about young men in thongs – the boy then went on to become a prostitute, not being right for any other job. His name was Lesli and he was very tragic.

As we all probably figured Adrian would, as soon as he saw the DoI, he threw it into the old paper-basket in the hallway. After all the effort this had taken, he found himself in need of a fresh cold beer, so he took two out of the fridge and placed himself on the couch. He opened one and then picked up the Big Letter that was still lying there untouched. It wasn’t very heavy, though a lesser man might have expected it to be, merely judging by it’s looks. Come to think of it, maybe a lesser man would have labeled it quite heavy, keeping in mind that lesser men are usually quite pathetic and lack a certain strength needed to handle Big Letters. Who knows what anyone but us and Adrian might have thought of the letter. Who knows what WE would have thought of it? You, that is. Obviously, I am very much aware of what I would have thought of the letter, me being the person that brought it into being. To me, picking up the letter would have been as easy as looking bad in a photograph, it would have taken no effort at all. Now it is quite possible that you, the one reading this story, knows me and are thus aware of approximately how strong I am. As a consequence, it is also quite possible that you can approximately predict how you would have felt upon picking up the letter. So I guess we can conclude that the aforementioned WE, is simply the group of people that do not know me. Poor buggers.

Boring. Boring. Boring. I can just feel the attention drifting away from the story here. Mine sure is, and if mine is, than why on earth would you guys still care, right? Let’s go for some action. Only I don’t really know what. Usually, I’m not that big a fan of action stories or movies or anything like that. Adrian is, being the beer drinking lad he is, but he isn’t writing this story. He couldn’t, all that drinking beer definitely got to his brain. You see, drinking beer all the time is bad! Drinking any sort of alcohol all the time is bad for that matter. It messes with your brains, makes them go all fuzzy. People get really ill because they drink to much. Korsakov’s and the likes. Honestly sucks. But by the time you get to that stage, it’s too late. Very slowly, that is what is happening to Adrian. Let me tell you about his untimely death, maybe that will spice things up a little.

At the tender age of 52, Adrian dies of a heart attack. Only hours after a wedding, he is getting it on with a dear friend of his – not Sonny – when a sudden pain in his chest forces him to retreat. Someone calls the alarm number, but due to unexpected tranquility on the highway, the ambulance has an accident when going a hundred miles per hour. Both the driver and his fellow ambulance brother die. The former chokes on a chicken sandwich, the latter is propelled through the windshield when the vehicle hits a road sign, which in turn happens because the driver is slumped dead across the steer without paying mind to the road. The second ambulance that is sent gives priority to their brothers, even though both are dead upon its arrival. Adrian would have been saved had the ambulance come straight for him, but alas, it didn't. His death came very suddenly.

Fortunately, at this moment, Adrian is still alive. And he is about to open the big letter, at long last. I can only begin to imagine the agony I must have put you through, making you wait and wait for this big moment. I do feel terribly sorry, not just for you, the reader, but alas, for myself as well. It was, quite simply, a case of writer's block I was not to keen on breaking out of and so I let myself dwell and pity. But see, the moment has arrived.

Adrian sat there, not thinking of the weight of the letter at all – such things hardly ever bothered him, which might not come as a surprise seeing how he crushed his best friend and apparent lover with no more than a belly brush – and opened it with less ceremony than could be expected. In a movie, this would have been solved by having him open it in slow motion, or by repeating the moment over and over, or by subsequently filming it from different angles, either drawing out the moment or making more of it special. For instance, they could show the surprise on his face, as he read the first few words his eyes fell on, zooming in on the widening of the eyes or the ever so slight dropping of the jaw. Who knows?
Surprising, this letter was indeed. It took him some time but then Adrian discerned it must have come either from Sonny, which it did not, or from his mother, which it did not, or from Benny, which it did, though Adrian only found out when he read the bidding of farewell, under which someone with a firm grip on his pen, so as to steady his trembling hand, had written his name, which happened to be Ben Kidneybean.
To make a long story short, let me just copy the contents of this letter for you. Before I do that, however, let me explain how Adrian knew it was one of those three persons who must have written him the letter. It was the addressee. The addressee, namely, was Adrian Giles (French pronunciation) Fauntleroy and there were only three souls in the world who knew that name. Or rather, two, since Sonny was dead and if he counted the deceased he should include his father, who obviously had also known prior to his death and possibly after, like Sonny, if he retained his ability to know after losing his grasp of living. He concluded it was most likely neither of them had written the letter since, although they might still know, they were not capable of writing. That left his mother and Benny and his mother never wrote him letters as she was aware of the difficulty he had with them, leaving only Benny.
Now, the letter: